Mademoiselle “Adept At Crossing Busy Streets” speaking, newly zen from a realization that the vikram/rickshaw/car/scooter I am in/on will crash regardless of whether I am calm or freaking out. So I might as well be calm. Things have been going well here in Dooooon, sustaining only minor creepage from the local male population. As we walk down the street, stared at by everyone (blonde people!), I can’t help but exclaim, “DES EXTRATERRESTRES.”
We are clearly aliens.
Such are the realizations one reaches here in Inde, land of hyperactive schoolchildren, a injured bird in our bathroom, and a roommate who speaks to lizards in french, arabic, hindi and english.
Yes, we have polyglot lizards hiding in our room. A sample conversation...
(Tiny lizard is crawling across the wall. It is probably five feet long, with giant poisonous fangs. I am cowering in the corner)
Jac: Bonjour petit reptile! Ça va?
*Silence*
Jacqui: Apke se ho?
*Crickets*
Jacqueline: A salaam maleikum? Can you hear me?
*Lizard scurries across the wall, closer to me, and with the clear intention of eating me and my physics-for-fun nighttime reading. I faint and am carried out on a stretcher. End scene.*
We left to eat dinner, and my multitalented bestie was laid low by a headache, stomach grumblies and a hard case of karma. This is what happens when you eat RUBBISH food all day. Seriously, who eats four bags of chips, a bag of peanuts and drinks a bottle of coke?? And cookies. Particularly after a week + half of uber healthy veggie food. My coloc is a child.
When we came back from dinnaaah this lizard was nowhere to be found. Side note: We left all doors closed. Conclusion: This savage beast is still among us. Jacqui attempted to reassure me by saying that it has probably been here for the past few days.
Marielle: But what has it eaten? Our hair?
Jacqui: Insects?
Marielle: Your cookies?
Jacqui: Probably the cookies. This is why I am sick.
Marielle: Lizard cooties! The lizard of karma!
Yes, my friends, we have the lizard of karma in our room. You too could have the lizard of karma if only you could come and catch it and take it far far away.
I live in fear.
For those of you who commented before on the injured bird in our bathroom, know that I am not a hero. My reptilian-hablante roomie saved this pigeon from murderous raven peckage and Ritz the cowardly guard dog (save in the face of helpless, injured pigeons), and placed it in a box in the room next door. I cowered and in my own useless way patted Jacqui on the back for a job well done. If there is a committee who gives medals for this sort of thing (PETA?), I elect my chhoti poilu.
Jacqui: But I don’t want a medal from PETA. They are cray-cray.
Marielle: Anyone who eats disgusting amounts of vegetarian junk food is in that boat and happily paddling.
Other Things I Can Share With You: Hmmmm.
We have been reading a body language book and have been entertaining ourselves by pointing out expressions of disgust on small children. Body language is a very useful idiom to be fluent in. I teach students who at best know how to tell me my headscarf is crooked and can have in detail conversations about their favorite football team. I lost brownie points when I said that I’d lived in Barcelona and never met any players. But I can read their facial expressions! I’m clearly a waste of space in their eyes.
We are still recovering from that exhausting picnic, but at least have an idea of what we are teaching tomorrow. DANCE! That is, if we survive the night of the lizard of karma.
Mother-Speaking-In-My-Head: But Marielle, he is probably waaaay more scared than you are. You are a thousand times bigger than him.
Marielle: Are lizards developed enough to feel fear? I doubt it. And plus, I am bigger, therefore I feel more fear.
Please pardon me for the lack of facts or concrete events in our lives. I recount not serious things in this post, only my reactions to them.
Code Messages!
Pickles, check your SPAM folder.
Nigel, you’re the best, thank you for for the promo.
Thi, tu me faltas.
Chuck and Cindy, I miss your commentaries!
Mr. Pieces, How go the shower parties? (Miss Jacqueline humbly suggests that you add Ciara’s 1-2 Step to your regime)
1P, you’re a very useful human being, despite your ice cream addiction
Romalicious, has my badly marked postcard arrived?
Ruthia/Fufu/BeeEee/EeeEee/Ruby/Uff, I dream of you and the Special K bars
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