Not as weird as french music.

I have the problem of being unable to reply when asked what I want for Christmas.

The only things I can think of are socks (I ALWAYS need socks) and peanut butter. But I still have half a jar, which has lasted since October 1st.

Sad day.

HOWEVER, the holiday of Thanksgiving (or as the french say, "Sanksgeevin") is upon us. And the spirit of thanksgiving is giving thanks, not giving gifts. For those of you who don't obsessively read the NYTimes, there is a wonderful article about gratitude

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/22/science/a-serving-of-gratitude-brings-healthy-dividends.html?_r=1&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=tha210

Regularly feeling gratitude helps you sleep better, makes you a calmer, more optimistic person and a more moral, kinder person. Instead of wishing for those things, perhaps say thank you for what you already have.

I am very grateful to have not one but MANY families I can call my own, around the globe, whom I adore. I am grateful for six amazing grandparents, two wonderful brothers, two awe-striking parents, a Ruthie-parent, two cats (even if one drools), a sister of the soul, my thousands of friends and acquaintances I miss and meet everyday and for my current life. I am truly blessed to have the people and places around me that I do.

I wish I didn't sleepwalk, or lose my temper when my breakfast is insulted. But maybe gratitude will fix those things.

But enough with gooshiness.

Have lately been battling to the death with the subjunctif. I want to throttle this tense alive. I will conquer it, but there will be some major damage done on both sides. Curses.

Quoi de neuf? (what's new?) Watched a weird movie about Vincent Van Gogh (they say his last name "Gogg"), who was a pretty weird guy anyways.

Today we danced Le Rock in dance class (it's super fun, particularly when we play Michael Jackson or Fine Young Cannibals) and Cha-Cha.

I was a child who was raised on Collective Soul, Fine Young Cannibals, Spin Doctors and Shania Twain. And an inordinate amount of ABBA. This diverse collection of tunes has probably done really weird things to my brain. BUT NOT AS WEIRD AS FRENCH MUSIC!

Going to go back to Kato Lomb. Ciao! (bon nuit) (buenos noches)

Immortals and Crazy Things

Currently being treated to blaring techno music... it's like being in a conservative, catholic rave.

We are definitely not in Kansas.

Although, I've never been to Kansas. What is it like?

Some Nantes News you may find interesting (I laughed).

Nantes has been chosen as the newest international big fancy shmancy airport city. Great for when I want to come visit all my friends and host family, although there have been some protests. About 3,000 people rode bike (RODE BIKE) to Paris to protest. Endorphins from manifestations (protests) are enough, we need to get a 15 hour bike ride in there.

Their main concern? There will be tractors on the runway. Heads up, it's not that far out in the boonies.

You could conceivably make this argument for Minneapolis as well. I have been asked the following.
-Is it true you have the world's biggest mall full of red necks? (Welcome to Fleet Farm)
-Does everyone wear plaid there? (We started it! #Hipsternation)
-Why do you live there? (Why don't you?)

FOUR French Phrases I Adore

Utopiste: Someone who believes in "utopia," or a paradise on earth.

Apprendre en s'amusant: Learning whilst amusing oneself. Welcome to my gap year!

Autodidacte: Someone who learns for themself, without the help of a teacher.

Bof: B.O.F. (yes this is an acronym). Stands for Beurre Oeuf Fromage. Butter egg cheese. Means redneck.

Now an introduction to the peculiarities of French society...

In France, a mystical country, there exists a language, a Romance language in fact. It is called French. There are between 90-110 MILLION native speakers around the world. It still serves in many cases as the language of diplomacy, despite losing ground to english, as it is much better than english for technical situations. It is much harder to pin dictators, swindlers, and rule breakers down in vague english than in deadly specific french.

Unlike English, which as far as I know is fairly unregimented and roams as free as whatever word you want to create, French is very strict.

Very strict.

There is an Academy, "Académie Française", which decides which words every year are "French" and therefore are permissible for politicians, soccer players, public personas and postal workers to use. And for the rest of us.

Made up of the "immortals" (I kid you not), these ever living (but not) personages are charged with the important task of making up new words to combat other languages encroaching on their verbal territory.

For instance, computer. Ordinateur.

Or Ipad. Tablette tactile.

Anyways, creeping on their internet page, I can only spot two women in their forty seat-table. How disappointing.

Recent drama according to Google involves the Unofficial (I should probably Uncapitalize that) feminization of various professions, as the academy (pardon, The Academy) insists one must use the correct (masculine) noun. In English, we have less of this problem, because so much slang enters our language and gets spat back out. Hence, people not understanding me when I say that I hear there's a dishy thrash round the corner.

Grandparent slang. C'est un truc de fou.

Fudge Crisis

So recently I've tried to give up swearing. It's just a rather unpleasant habit that I've started doing too much, given that most people don't understand how colorful my language is. Anyways, I had a lapse today with my campaign and was telling Grunkle about how "bullshit" not having savory foods for breakfast was.


Yes, this is a minor obsession.


Anyways the following conversation.


Me: My apologies for swearing.
Grunkle: It's not swearing, "bullshit" is an expression.
Me: It's a swear word. I'm trying to stop swearing.
Grunkle: No, it's an expression. You need to stop expressing yourself.


This afternoon we decided to make english fudge. I had a minor existential crisis when I was told that THEIR FUDGE HAS NO CHOCOLATE IN IT.


Am I alone in thinking that fudge is always with chocolate?


Spoken today:


Granny: Bear, what skullduggery have you been up to in the garden?


Now it is dark. Grunkle is currently cooking/blowing up chestnuts in the wood stove, my toffee apples I created are disappearing at a rapid rate, and the grandparents are arguing over how to scrub carrots correctly.


Bliss.


Granny: I don't think you should have so much whisky, it's making you obstreperous.

ob·strep·er·ous/əbˈstrepərəs/

Noisy and difficult to control

• - the boy is cocky and obstreperous

Quite. You learn new words in every language these days. My other favorite comes from Scotland.

"Tartle" is when you forget someone's name whilst you are attempting to introduce them.

We just call that awkward in the States.

My new favorite phrase was coined during dinner. We were talking about the romantic lives of artists (not necessarily that they have lives that are romantic, but the romances they have.). And how to find hilarious ads like "Couple cherche un autre couple pour un aprés-midi d'exploration."

My phrase:

"Chaud lapin cherche un froid lapin pour réchauffage." Hot rabbit seeking cold rabbit for reheating.

You Need A Nose To Speak French

Host Brother: Can I borrow your ipod?
Me: Why?
Host Bro: Please? You're pretty.
Me: Whatever. Here you go.
Host Bro: It's a joke! You're not pretty.

How mean.


Today in phonetics class we were working on the "nasal" sound that the french are so effing good at. My nose is too small to do it properly. Anyways, I was sitting there, calmly flunking an exercise on telling the difference between


Sain- as in healthy
Sein- as in boob/breast
Son- as in his/hers


(Son sain sein-> badly worded/conjugated etc but means "her healthy breast")


When I had a profound thought.


Put yourself in the Harry Potter mindset for a moment.


Because of his weird transformation and new noseless state of existence, Lord Voldemort WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO THE NASAL SOUND.


Thus, he couldn't speak french. Mind=Ecrasé.


I wonder if the people who dubbed the movies into french and translated the books thought about this. You really really need a nose to speak french.


It's currently the season of getting sick, and I have caught a wicked head cold. Here is some french vocab/slang to go with the achoos and sniffles.


Etre Crevé- To be dead (slang)


Choper/attraper- to catch


J'ai chopé la crève- I've caught an evil cold.


Éterver- To sneeze


Tousser- To Cough


Renifler- To sniff


Se moucher- To blow one's nose.


Taught my host bro the call and return of-


See you later alligator...


In a while crocodile.






Peace out girl scout.

Vachement Perdu

Today I got vachement perdu (really really lost). As in, the 2 km I had to walk turned into upwards of 12, as I made wrong turn after wrong turn.

Short Adverb lesson:

Vachement: Comes from the word "vache" which means cow. French people love using vache in everyday convo... "Oh la vache" (sort of like our "holy cow"). Vachement means literally "cowly" but actually means "REALLY." Like, damn.

Carrement: Also means very. You'll hear "carrement d'ac" in certain age group conversation. Short for Carrement D'Accord, which means "really in agreement."

Vraiment: Translated literally and truly means "very."

I'm feeling rather tired, and while my host brother likes to tease me about going out all the time, I don't think it is completely that. Partially, bah ouais, but not entirely. Learning a language is vachement difficult, and even with proper sleep I find I'm "dans la lune" (on the moon, aka daydreaming) accidentally in class these days. This happened back home too, at about the one month mark. School is tiring. This doesn't change. Still wish I could go back to hippie school and bake me some cookies all day e'ryday.

Fun experience of the day: trying to explain what a baby daddy/momma was to my writing professor. Ah, the things that arrive in the international student's life.

Some vocabulary for you to enjoy! I got most of this from an article about how the second in command police officer in Paris was arrested/charged for drug trafficking and being generally naughty. I shake my finger at you. Anyways, this is regular CSI jargon.

Puant- stinky. Slangy-wise, it means pretentious, or vain. It was puant of him to think he wouldn't get caught.

Indicateur/Indic- Informant. Sort of like our version of "narcs" typically unsavory people who inform the police in exchange for favors or lessening of sentences. "indic" is the shortening of that.

Voyou- GANGSTER. Salut voyou (what's up, badass?)

tonton- What little kids/everybody call their uncles. Also means men of a certain (older) age, typically men you don't mess with. "les tontons flingueurs" is a cult film from 1963 about gangsters. If you speak fluent-enough french, let's watch it together.

Des Papas Poules- "Father hen." Papas who are very occupied with their children, extremely invested etc etc.

So I filched a magazine from the library today (50.5% sure it was free for the taking...). On the back was the advert for dinosaures... Including the Bambisaur.

The bambisaur is the new velociraptor, it's official.

Sad story of today.

Friend (grabs a chunk of my hair and inspects it): My goodness, your hair is a pretty color. How do you get it to be so blonde?
Ex-Friend: The trick is thinking like a blonde.

Shuddap.

Text Like A Frog

So I've had a couple forays into the scary world of texting in french. It's difficult, yes, but with this handy dandy guide you too can make friendsies.

MDR- mort de rire. Dying of laughing. Sort of like our LOL, but way better, because they take it to the extreme aka dying.

Ne tkt- Ne t'enquete. Don't worry.

bjr- Bonjour

bsr- Bonsoir

D100- Descends. Get down/come down.

FDS- Fin de semaine. End of the week.

KDO- Cadeau. Present, gift.

kestufou vs Ksk t'fu- Qu'est-ce que tu fous? What the hell are you going?

RDV- rendez-vous. Please tell me you know what a rendezvous is.

ti2- T'es hideux. You are hideous.

Fun story of the day (for the easily amused): So my tram sometimes is Ligne 1, Jamet. A lovely voice tells us every stop "Terminasion, Jamet." Which is approx. "Last stop, Jamet." Except Jamet sounds exactly like "Jamais" which means "Never." So what the tram lady is telling us is that this train never ends.

I laugh.

Also, flunked an orale comprehension test. This is for two reasons, the first being that the subject was cell phones. I genuinely know almost no vocabulary surrounding cell phone companies (thank you granny for lending me your phone!). So that was rough. The other bit was that I spaced out for half of the test. The answer to my problems is that I'm going to sleep more/better (I started sleepwalking again >:( ) and download french podcasts to listen to. So interesting! The great part about being here for solely my own learning pleasure is that me failing tests is not the end of the world. My grades here don't matter in terms of a later degree. I'm just here to learn french, make friends and grow up.

Welcome to the school of life!

Slingy Slang

Today I spoke French, English and Spanish at lunch. I learned how to say, "I have no money, my friend will pay," "why yes I love Shakira," and "rico suave." I'm all set.

The 1 tram line also wasn't working today so I had a 20 minute walk. I made it to class on time, because unlike the majority of dawdlers who walk around Nantes, I go with a purpose. Thank you Granny Peppa for the long legs. Less thank you for not giving me your natural grace. City of cobblestones, meet constant klutz.

I also stopped by the bibliotheque (library) to get some books. Picked up some poems by Maya Angelou, "The Sound and The Fury" by William Faulkner, Dom Juam/Juan By Moliere, The collected notebooks of Victor Hugo and a biographie of Victor Hugo. My weekend reading.

Learned a very important lesson in french yesterday. So I thought the phrase "tu me manques" meant "you miss me." Which is kind of a cocky thing to say. But actually it means "I miss you." "Je te manque" means you miss me. Kinda counterintuitive. ChuckandCindy, this is why all your "tu me manques" have elicted sassy responses. Tu me maques aussi, et desole.

Fun thing we learned today in writing class. So in France there was (some annees back) a big enthusiasm for les Chansons realistes. They were focused on how everyone does drugs, all women are whores, all men are bad guys, life is really hard, we turn to sex to live with it, and so forth. My prof pointed out that it's kind of similar to today's gangster rap. Edith Piaf is probably rolling in her grave. But everyone agreed that gangster rap has more "frimer" which means "to be cocky."

They have a verb for this. Tu frimes, je frime, Lil' Wayne frime, tout le monde frime.

La frime. Noun version. Cockiness.

Word.

Some more slang I've learned today.

German Slang-

Schnorrer- To be a mooch. Eat everyone else's food.

Asian Slang-

Tai-mei - Beau gosse/hottie in taiwanese/chinese

zheng-mei- "hey sexy lady" in taiwanese/chinese

British Slang-

Waagwan- What's going on?

Phrase of the day:

"Vachement pu mais carrement delicieux"

Vachement literally translates as "cowly" as in cow... But it means super duper, or really really really. Same with carrement, save the bit about the cow. Translated, this phrase means

"really really stinky, but super duper delicious."

I think we were talking about some type of sushi.

The Most Exciting Scrabble Ever

Typical monday today. Had to act out the part of a grasshopper in a french skit (I'm a pretty terrible grasshopper... One of my truly saddening faults) and watched french films without sous-titres... Impossible, I tell you. It was pretty funny when we had the descriptions for blind people "she is in a taxi, now she answers her phone." (and so forth, but in french and annoying). And no subtitles.

I also had a test on the passé today, which I think I did alright. My drawings will probably get me extra points. There was a crocodile, a skeleton, a bird and an upside down monster with the words "Il faut pas tomber." It means "One mustn't fall." Tis funnier in French.

Other exciting things... Hmmmm. My friends went to the beach yesterday, and saw a sign that said Fete de Scrabble! "Le plus excitant Scrabble vous jouerez jamais dans votre vie!"

In other words, a scrabble party with the most exciting scrabble you'll ever play in your life.

It's great to be alive in a world with parties like those. Don't go too crazy! It's apparently good for ages 9-99. Sucks to be 100... or 8. But when I was 8, I hated reading. They could barely get me to read books like "Bob's Ball." But then I matured to Where the Wild Things Are and everything Edward Gorey, and then when I was 11, I took on Gone With The Wind. Did I understand most of it? Well the bits about Confederate soldiers and Scarlett's business transactions yes. But the sexytime/endless pining?

Yeah the re-read was a bit of a shock.

And for those of you with 8 year olds who hate reading, maybe they'll get addicted like me. Just make them wait till they have had sex ed to let them read Gone With The Wind. Civil War era novels are not the best way to learn such things.

Some Dictionnaire Terms for You! (If you want to keep up with all the terms, I'll be starting a little side bar column thing with all my favorite terms. check it)

Argotique- from "L'argot" which is slang. So it means slangy.

Le sosie- le doppelganger. My german friend took the mickey out of me and my amurican accent. Doppelganger sounds way better in German, but I'm still gonna throw my twangy pronunciation out there.

Die katzo!- Go dickhead! (this is Italian).

Suka- Salope (this is russian). Salope is something you can look up on your own time. I promised my mom this would be a PG-13 blog...

Caf-Cons- Cafe Concerts.

Faire La Manche- Beg for money

Fun Fact Of The Day:
Japanese say "Brado Pitto."

Humor Down The Drain

Am going to be busy celebrating a marriage this weekend with my host family and as such there will be no updates till Sunday, or more likely Monday.

HOWEVER, stay tuned for then, because you'll get an in depth look into a french wedding. This incredible event is rarely witnessed by foreigners and as such will be very informative and as much like an educational documentary as I can make it.

Something funny I keep forgetting to post. The biggest show in France is "How I Met Your Mother".... It's how everyone picks up American slang. I've never watched it, but this feverish addiction looks like fun. Perhaps I shall dabble.

Yesterday I also was designated the official American-French translator for all random things in our class. Je pige que dalle (I don't understand a damn thing) sometimes with these American words in french accents. Spent 10 minutes trying to figure out was plehmubeel was.

Playmobile.. Like the toy? Yeah, we used that as an example in my dance class.

Also, thought of a stupid joke...

What does an east coast coach give before the big game?


Prep talks...


Ah, preps. My apologies for how horrible my sense of humor is. I laugh at the silliest things (gold digger ring tones, tripping on cobblestones, and reading my french bible (aka my guide biligue to romantic conversation)).

If you want something a little more adult-like, I can email you my favorites from the dictionary. One of my favorites is

Fais pas ta mijaurée. It means "don't be so pretentious woman." But not really. I think it actually means "stop being so minx-like." Any ideas, french slang speakers?

Move It Move It

I dedicate this post to Sutton and Aditi.

Today was marked by me falling asleep in class for a few minutes, and more importantly talking for five minutes straight to 32 people about how much I like breakfast using slang words. I frickin' kiffe le pet't dej y'all connait?

Exactly like that. But cooler.

Awkward incident today where I became friends with an awesome Colombian girl... Following happened.

Friend: So she's a colombian, and my brother was like, you know they probably have tons of coffee.
Colombian: Yes, it's true.
Friend: And he was said they'd probably offer you cocaine.
Colombian: Hey, you want some? (long pause) It's a joke...

Two of my other Colombian friends (I have a lot of colombian friends here) were giving me a tutorial on how to roll my r's. I roll them like Shakirrrra. Needless to say, after French, Spanish won't be too hard. Apparently in Espangolophone (yes I made that up) countries, if you can't roll your r's, it's like having a lisp in English. They have professionals to correct this. It's a major problem if you can't roll your r's in spanish. How are people supposed to know if it is two r's or one???

I also learned how to say "Move it dickhead" in Italian and "I have a cold" in German. Equally useful, one presumes.

Random sighting of the day: Girl throwing up on a building in the centre-ville and then calmly taking the tram. Gutsy? Or just a regular 5 pm habit? Do I want to know?

It's nearly 1 am now... Time to stop listening to MIKA's only French song (it's a big deal guys) and hit the hay.

Fun Words and The News

Marf's continued French Dictionnaire (AKA Vital Words and Phrases Everyone Should Know)
Apologies for any and all typos.


Calin- A CUDDLE! Finally, I know what this word is. Was trying to explain spooning to my host brother, but utterly failed. Oui, c'est similar aux calins.

Liasion dangereuse- To have an affair. This is useful not so much for the real sense as just describing everything (friendships, crushes etc) as them. Incorrectly yes, but what joke was ever completely correct? Or if correct, funny?

Ne me drague pas- I forget if I put this on before. It means "don't hit on me." Please, seriously, stop asking me to hang out with your creepy old man friends or take a picture with you.

Le Melo- Short for Melodrame, or melodrama. Lives are best with a minimum of melo.

Poilu- hairy. Why is this useful? Because the next time you want to talk about someone on the tramway who is in need of a lawnmower, this word comes in handy.

AND NOW FOR THE SHUT UP SPECTRUM

Most polite- "Un peu de silence" (a little silence)

Less than polite- "Tais-toi" or "taisez-vous." (shut up)

Rude- "la ferme" "ferme-la" "fermez-la" (shut up, shut up, shut up.)

Downright profane- "Ta gueule" "vos gueules" (insert swear word here)


Daily News:


Getting made fun of for my doodles.

Danish politician lady telling a member of the Danish senate that "Don't call me Gucci just because I don't look like a sack of s$#% like you." Double negatives work better in French.

My pants got ripped sometime over the weekend, mended kindly by Granny. It's (probably) not what you think.

Speaking of pant rippers, tune into DSK's hypocrisy and his "public apology" to the french people. Bleh.

Lately in my notes I've been mixing uf my p's and f's such that when I take carepul notes everything is mixed uf and makes no eppin' sense. Am phrantically pinding a solution bepore it is too late. Fositively awpul.

Catch Phrase

When I came to France, my excuse for speaking english with some of my friends was that the slang words in english are so much better. After all, my American/Canadian friends had taught an Italian and German how to say "that sucks" and "that blows." They were cautioned however not to say "I suck" or "I blow." There's a difference. One word, big difference. Now when something goes wrong, all these lovely accents come out with these vulgar-ish American phrases.

Ah, language exchange.

So here are my favorite phrases and words in this language exchange.

Tablette de chocolat- A six pack (abdominals). BEST PHRASE EVER. Six pack evokes beer, whereas a tablet of chocolate presents a delicious image. Just saying. Hi mom.

Comme d'hab- Short for "comme d'habitude." This means "as usual." How's it going?

Comme d'hab.

Cadavre- This in the proper sense means a dead body. Slang wise it is an empty booze bottle. When we did a skit in class everyone made references to a fictional party with lots of cadavres. A girl who had arrived late was super disturbed until she asked why people were dying at parties. Then we explained.

Toubib- Doctor! The pronunciation is fun.

J'ai mon dose- I've had enough. Get me outta here, I'm finished. I've had my daily dose.

Bouffer/bouffe- Slang/familiar for to eat and a meal. Je le bouffe. I eat it.

Mecs- Dudes.

Meufs- Ladies. Very slang, only use if you REALLY know this lady, because if not it can seem rude/derogatory. This is an example of verlan. Verlan is a L'enverse language invented in the 80s so criminals, prostitutes and teenagers could talk without the authorities (in whatever form they take) knowing.

Gosse vs. Beau Gosse- A gosse is a child. A beau gosse is an astonishingly attractive young gentleman. Here in the home of stylishly dressed and appearance-concious men, this phrase can be used a couple times a day. The euro babe style seems to be pretty 80s, but not the really weird kind. Just the tight pants and scarves.

Canon- Male/female for a hottie.

Je Pige Que Dalle- I UNDERSTAND NOTHING. This phrase gets me through my day.

L'Amour and Libraries

Super eventful day today. I haven't had comments in ages. Whine. Sigh. Whine.

Borrowed books from the bibliotheque (guess what? people have weird fetishes with libraries here too!). Two en anglais and deux en francais. I'm starting out halvsies. Maya Angelo, Science fiction films, monsters and plays by Mae West. Wheeeee. Learning is so much fun.

In my theater culture class we had to explain what we would be like in 20 years. The teacher got frustrated because she thought I was added 15 years instead of 20 to my age. Nope, I'm actually that young. Maturity is just an act for me.

In my orale classe, the theme today was L'amour.... She said it was important to know basic phrases because (and I quote) "It's going to be a beautiful weekend." They are pretty savvy, these professors of mine. My translated phrases were "love-muffin" (as in the adorable cutie pie "awwww such a love-muffin") and "kindergarden love." Using a pastry as a term of affection seemed to escape them. Muffin d'amour does sound hilarious though. The muffin of looooove.

Odd encounter of the day: Got approached by three groups of girls asking me if I wanted candy or an egg on my head. Um, neither?

We (my friends and I) were talking about stereotypes and my british friend said her impression of the U.S. was a mixture of the O.C., Gossip Girl, American Pie and Mean girls. What a weird place I come from.

This afternoon I was wandering with my Canadian (ay) friend, trying to find a frickin invisible bookstore. We popped into a tabac to ask for directions and saw a porno magazine that came with the following.

"Trois cds, huit heures de hard."

It's really funny here, naked people everywhere. My innocent midwestern self is shocked.

After running around trois fois between two railway stops, we figured out it was in the middle. Hence, "go to this place," "now go back there," "and again."

Quotations of the day:

"When your friend falls in love with a mafioso..." (logical situations in french class)

"I had shit in my eyes." (j'ai eu merde dans mes yeux. tres useful)

and my favorite.

Prof- Where are you going to meet your husband or wife, R____?
R____- In the library.

I hope she or he is studious.